We are Facebook friends, and that is where I read his posts about his chronic ongoing health challenges. It has been more than a decade since we spent time together enjoying lunch at El Tepeyac, a well-known restaurant in East Los Angeles. For most of the two hours we visited, he complained about everything from women he dated to companies who hired him. This was not the witty, funny and compassionate manager and boss at JC Penney’s that I worked with while I was studying at college. I wondered what his life had been like during the decades since we met and worked together that caused him to change. What disappointments and unresolved issue flourished in him?
Intuition Warning
Therefore, after reading post after post, I wanted to say hi online, but did not want to have a telephone conversation. That was not like me. Maybe my intuition was warning me about something that I did not yet know and cautioning me not to call.
I did message him and said hello and asked him how he was. He did message me back on Facebook and asked for my telephone number. Reluctantly, I gave it to him number, and times when I would be available to talk. He messaged back “ok.” Without knowing why, I felt nervous. A week passed and no call. I hoped that he would not call. Then, he called and left a message. “Don’t call” my little inner voice firmly directed me, and I almost didn’t. Then guilt set in. After all, I was the one that started this. So, I called, and he did not answer. Whew, what a relief!
I Made A Deal With Myself
I made a deal with myself with myself a few days later. I would call one more time, and not call again! I called and let the phone ring a few times and was about to hang up when I heard a voice saying, “I don’t answer the phone unless I recognize who is calling.” Okay, here we go I thought. I hope it goes well
I asked him how his health, and he told me about his health issues, and then continued talking about politics, proudly informing me his older brother called him a nazi, because he re-registered as a republican thirty years ago. Before I had time to react, he told me some things about American politics that were not true and continued insisting on his falsehoods when I challenged him. He ignored me and continued talking. “Let’s not talk about politics.” I insisted. He didn’t take a pause before asking me” You mean…” I didn’t hear the entire sentence. I looked at my cell phone and the red end button. Would I have the courage to press the button? I looked away from the phone and then looked at it again and pushed the button.
My Stubborn Resistance
So, my intuition had warned me that this would be a difficult conversation, and my body felt uneasy too. The only part of me that didn’t feel uneasy was my stubborn resistance to not giving him my telephone number. I could have easily told him in the message that I was busy with deadlines and projects and just wanted to let him know that he was on my mind!
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